Illness has been hovering over the house for a well over a week now; it’s the same at work. Getting the Park & Ride bus in the morning is depressing enough as it is, but recently, its been reminiscent of the scene in Shaun of the Dead when everyone is on the bus coughing, spluttering and generally turning into zombies- well maybe not the zombie part but some commuters come pretty close, especially in Bristol.
Shopping at lunchtimes is no fun, recently, the chav armies have been relentlessly clearing out Woolworths ("hmm, I didn't think I needed one, but this garden hose and shed set will be really handy for my 19th floor flat") and terrorising other consumers with low slung tight jeans (worn on a size 22 figure). I just want to potter about and take my time, but Christmas is no time for lolly-gagging around the shops, folk have been knifed for less.
My juices are positively overflowing with excitement about breaking up for Christmas; I have 11 1/2 days off work which is the closest I come to a school holiday these days. Most of it will be spent in Wiltshire, but there are a few days when we'll be out east, this will obviously include the Boxing Day match, will is peering over the hill at us all with its menacing icy stare. My sis is having a party (gatecrashers) the evening of the match, which will apparently be dominated by singstar, I'd have preferred Guitar hero myself, but if there's enough Desperados on tap, I'll sing anything (except 'Killing Me Softly')
Vintage Garage XI's hopes of beating Mocha Jrs to the Boxing Day trophy suffered a blow today as bandy-legged midfielder Jamie Fewster told the world he would be unable to play in the match. In a Rio Ferdinand-esque case of absentmindedness, Fewster confessed he had mixed his days up. After originally hollering "I'll play so long as we can play in black and amber. Grrrrrr up the tigers.", Fewster's latest admission had Vintage fans growling with despair.
Fewster had cited "Family commitments" as his excuse, but Funk Pie can reveal the real reason he will not be able to make the match. The Hull-born beard-monger will be rubbing whiskers with west country-based farmer Michael Eavis on his Barbados Island. Eavis was all but happy to spill the beans on his guest: "Jamie impressed me with the success of his Orfest08 festival, but I couldn't help thinking his beard needed some work. It just looks like he can't decide what he wants to do, so I've offered my help and Jamie was all to happy to take me up on my offer."
Pragmatic Vintage XI captain, Kristian Hasler though, is not ready to hit the panic button just yet: "We will miss his Tiger-like tenacity but there was always gonna be one or two called away on official duty, or splitters as we call them".
There was better news for the Vintage, however, as shot-happy newshound, Ali McKee and Litlington's top MC, Darren Chetty, both confirmed their availability. Furthermore, tazmanian devil-style defender Dominic Fitzsimmons landed safely back in Blighty this afternoon.
By Jamie's northern cousin (the cheeky one)
Mocha Juniors striker Damian Pennell was left feeling sour this week after an altercation with two fans left him coated in YOGHURT.
The Mocha man – known as the Pantomime Dame for his on-pitch theatrics in previous Christmas encounters – alleges that two men confronted him in a Royston supermarket over news he would be missing his club’s crunch match with bitter rivals, Vintage Garage, choosing instead to holiday in France.
“I was in the Yuppie Foods section when the two men started calling me names and one hit me in the face with a tub of organic yoghurt – calling me a ‘bottler’,” alleged Pennell from his Royston home.
According to Damian, his dairy ordeal has confirmed his decision to miss the crunch cup clash and made him question his future in the game.
“Provence is simply marvellous at this time of year and some people have got realise that there are some things more important than football…Puccini, birdsong on a summer’s evening, the smell of freshly baked bread, the pungent, yet tangy taste of goat’s cheese…all these have the power to seduce the senses in ways that football doesn’t,” said the poetic goal poacher, whose views have long angered many in the game.
“The two brutes who attacked me have no place in football and I urge police to throw the book at them with the same ferocity that they projected dairy produce at me,” slammed the angry Pennel.
“We have recovered CCTV footage of an incident at Tesco on Tuesday and are now looking for two men in Mocha Juniors replica shirts. When we find them we’ll give them a good slap on the back,” said PC Chapman of Herts Constabulary. “I meant wrist,” the red faced copper chortled.
It was horrible watching Emmanuel Eboue get jeered so venomously on Saturday, save the vitriol for shouting at the opposition please. It would be good if these 'fans' could channel some of their passion into creating a decent atmosphere at the Emirates instead of barracking one of our own players. Poor ol' Eboue, I know just how he feels. Once, at primary school (think I was about 7 or 8), we were kicking a ball around in the playground and I happened to launch a howitzer straight at Sarah Rees, who toppled over like any other 6 year old would have after being struck in the knees by a Frans Thijssen unburstable ball at high speed. Unfortunately, said girl cried and the playground monitor (a ginger woman who also doubled up as a dinner lady) decided that the ball should be confiscated. Cheers for that, love, I obviously got the blame, which meant a baying mob of kids surrounding me continuously shouting "Can't control a ball" (this scene still haunts me today), with only my dear sister defending me. I couldn't really get a word in edgeways with the gathered throng's unrelenting chanting drowning out my cries of "technically my control was perfect, the girl just ran across the path of the ball as it was headed towards Mathew Bull". This was one occasion when the bell saved me from more chanting, thankfully the prospect of an afternoon on the BBC micro meant that everyone had forgotten the incident by teatime, except me, who is kept awake every night by that relentless chant...
Lovely weekend with Kris and Ange, my God did my liver take a battering, the recycle bin was emptied on Thursday but full of empty booze bottles by Saturday morning. Conversation inevitably turned to the Boxing Day encounter; when asked if Vintage Garage XI would adopt a physical approach to the game, the elder Hasler brother sneered: "We'll play to our strengths". Vintage's captain is still bitter about having to work on the Saturday morning, denying him valuable time with the rest of his squad at the team hotel on the morning of the game. Mocha Juniors brushed aside the alleged inconvenience, with committed midfielder Richard "Killer" Fitzsimmons hollering "I couldn't give a rat's @rse what that bunch get up to before the match. We're concentrating on our own game; our mantra is "No defeat. No surrender"; let's see how they like them apples.". A gangster rapper in his spare time, Killer usuually does his talking on the stage, not the football pitch. However, he was kind enough to give Funk Pie access to some exclusive footage of his latest freestyle battle, filmed in the projects, near Hinxworth; you can see the vid at the bottom of this post
Nearly as exciting as the Boxing Day match is the upcoming Barca-Real Madrid game this weekend, although Barca look certainties, with good ol' Thierry grabbing a hat-trick against Valencia at the Camp Nou. Even the Madrid coach looks to have given up already; Schuster said "winning at the Camp Nou is impossible. Barcelona are flattening everyone. It's their year. The state we're in, all we can do is put in a decent performance. We can't ask for more." well confidence will be soaring through the Madrid players' veins now, won't it? Expect those white hankies to be waved with gusto during the next game at Santiago Bernabeu. *OK, it's now the evening and they've gone and sacked him.
Had a rare trip to the cinema to finally watch 'Quantum of Solace', or 'Something of Wotsit as Adam & Joe put it. Not bad, but inferior to Casino Royale. Interesting to see where Bond will go next, as at the moment, he's seems to be turning into Jack Bauer. There are 4 Bond stories left to turn into films, these include Risico and The Hildebrand Rarity.
Best of luck to El Wristo starring Dave Boardman, who are in this years Battle of the Band Final at Moles (remember when we won that, la?) this Wednesday evening.
Finally, a big shout out to Marcus who finally hands in his last price of work for his Music Therapy course this week, after 3 years of real hard yakka. Good on you, dude, be good to see more of you from now on.
Been a while, but here goes another ramble...Cracking weekend last week with Mr Brown, Friday was quite spooky as it was really foggy in the evening, a good old fashioned pea-souper it was, the sense of the macabre was accentuated by scary men in the pub wearing undertakers outfits and tall hats (think the Rhys Ifans character in Oasis' ‘Importance of Being Idle’ video). They just sat at the bar, drinking (I suppose they were in a pub) and then disappeared into the fog to go on a cadaver hunt (usually found near Yilmaz Kebabs in Somerfield car park). Post pub, a punishing FIFA09 session followed, which included 2 defeats in a row for this writer (1-0 against Spudz at the Lane). A change in tactics the following evening restored normality, as I triumphed several times; culminating in an 8-1 victory against a disconsolate Spurs team...
Headed into Bath for the carnage that is the Christmas Market on Saturday, so busy, but worth it for the burgers. It was great to see Dan, bless 'im, we had a lot to catch up on and hopefully we won't leave it so long next time.
I think Brown’s release for the Boxing Day match has also been secured after much haranguing; he will definitely add to the skill set already present in Mocha Juniors midfield. The fear is though, that the Juniors are missing defensive steel for the upcoming encounter, which puts a lot of pressure on iron man, Russ Foulger, at the back. Russ has already made his concerns about footwear very clear "Bit worried about my girly trainers on what's sure to be an 'end of tournament' quality pitch", Foulger uttered earlier this week. He re-assured fans though that his current form was one reason to be cheerful: "I had a great game on Thursday...Two goals, back heel flicks, leaving defenders for dead. The works. Seems like I might be coming into a rare patch of form" Words that are sure to send a shiver of fear down the spines of the opposition.
The Sun, eh? I’m sure some of you read it, I used to. Back in Newton Park days, each morning, it would be little trip to the SU shop for 20 Marlboro lights, a banana milkshake and a copy of the current bun (once, in my early days of working at the Council, I asked a colleague to get me a copy of the 'current bun' and he brought me back an actual bun - tw@t), then back to my room to try and avoid Gareth. Anyway, I digress; The Sun is read by a few people here, usually to look at pictures of those faux celebs in the forest, but mostly to look at boobs. The Sun could easily have the same headline every single day and it wouldn’t make much difference (no matter if it was 'demanding' that social workers lose their jobs or that we all stick our fingers up across the channel), that headline would read "Look at these tits", because, dear reader that's all the paper is really good for and where we all end up when we pick up a copy.
Tonight, it’s the turn of Kristian and Angie to visit our little town. Angie will become the first American to stay with us, I hope she says "that's a load of ass" again, as it does make me laugh. It'll be a cheap and cheerful weekend as the crunch bites, but we'll still fit in a trip to Lacock (heh) and the pub, looking forward to it.
Watched a great film last night: Reeker. 'Tis a 'teen' horror film set in the Nevada desert (don't let that put you off), gory & very violent, terrific story. Got a bit of a Rob Zombie feel about it, but less 'hicky' (not Earl Hickey).
Getting towards that time when 'James Brown's Funky Christmas' will be on the stereo, a quality album that’s a million miles away from the dross you hear piped through shops this time of year, fave track: "Santa Claus, go straight to the ghetto". So there you go, I’ve started and finished with a brown, just like, erm, Tony Meo.
Updates have been a bit scarce over the last week or so. This is mainly down to my effin' router blowing up last week (replacement coming soon) so internet at home is a thing of the past. Work has also been stupidly busy, but should calm down after this Friday.
A lot has been happening in the wide world of Arsenal. What a palaver, do we blame the media or Gallas or Wenger for the latest debacle? One thing’s for sure, Wenger's right when he says the media reports on catastrophe or the fantastic, but the reality lies somewhere in between. Today does feel like a new beginning for the team, I hope Gallas was made to stand up in front of the team in his underpants and apologise for his actions; he should also maybe bake a cake for Robin van Persie. Let's hope Gallas keeps his head down for a bit and puts in some good performances, as we really need some solidity at the back.
Whilst Fabregas was the only real choice for captain, I think he's the right one. The role of the captain has evolved with football from the gritted teeth, Tony Adams/Terry Butcher style skipper the English media still craves. Age is an irrelevance when you’ve won a European Championship, appeared in a Champions League Final and playing in your fifth season for the club. Fabbo is the best player in the team, you'd hope that most (if not all) of the team admire and respect him; lets hope he can get his hands on some effin' silverware this season. He's been captain of my Arsenal side in FIFA09 this season anyway, and he's doing a grand job there (although I managed to sign a 'keeper, centre half and midfielder).
For any Blackadder fans out there, the beeb will be showing some great stuff over crimbo, including a rare in-depth interview with Rowan Atkinson about the character, which is rarer than a hole in one with a jelly golf club.
The boy Brown is visiting Wiltshire this weekend, so there should be happy larks all over the place. Well done to Abbe for having a lovely little baby girl and I hope Mark, Kev and their ladies are having a great time in Buenos Aires.
Don't forget to keep checking your Fantasy Teams, I may be winning the league (doubters - there is no way of cheating with this league, and I never cheated on the Excel one I did years ago, honest), but it's still pretty tight beneath me.
There will be more gossip forthcoming about the much-anticipated Boxing Day match, expect more baiting and general mockery there. Especially from our correspondent in Beijing.
By Ginger Prentice
Mocha Juniors better hope they’ve done their homework as professor Chetty has promised he is coming back to school to teach them a lesson in football.
In a shock move, Garage Vintage’s mercurial left winger, Darren Chetty, yesterday said he will play in December’s do-or-die clash with the Juniors, after initially ruling himself out due to a fixture clash with a yoga workshop.
“I’ve been on a macrobiotic diet and meditating daily – I’m in a good place both physically and spiritually,” the new age left footer wrote in weekly column in the Littlington Gazette.
“The Juniors have always suffered from being tactically naïve and have never proved a match for our cerebral style of football,” blasted Vintage’s eggheaded midfielder, sneering: “they just don’t make the grade.”
News of Chetty’s U-turn got an ‘E for effort’ in the Juniors treatment room, with sidelined Mocha midfielder, Dan Brown, describing the Vintage man as “well past his best,” slamming the publicity surrounding his decision as: “nonsense; nothing but hot air.” 
“He had a sweet left foot once upon a time, but he lacks the pace he once had,” cheeped the former Magpie ace, who is currently recovering from a groin injury he picked up while on international duty with Greece.
“I hope to play and if the nurse gives me the green light, I’ll be like a rat up a drainpipe,” says Brown, adding that it will be him who will be doing the educating. “All of Chetty’s verbal is well out of order. His mouth is like a runaway train and I’m going to derail that Chett-a-nooga Choo Choo – you wait and see,” fumed the Mocha man.
Headed over to London on Wednesday to see Arsenal frustratingly draw with Fenerbahce. The game provided further evidence that I am becoming a curse when it comes to going to see them play. The last 4 matches I have seen have finished 0-0, 0-0, 1-2 and 0-0. Won't be able to afford to go for a while now so let’s hope Arsenal pull their finger out in my absence.
Arsenal - Man U tomorrow, always a nerve jangler. Especially this week, with al the injury problems we've got (again). It's been a strange week listening to Le Boss talk about bullies in the game, I'm reading The Professor by Myles Palmer at the moment, the contrast is unbelievable with the 1998-2001 period, back then, Arsenal were perceived as the bullies of the Premiership, all those red cards, etc. We are missing an enforcer that’s for sure. Each game we get rolled over, that Vieira-shaped hole in the centre of the park becomes more vivid. I’m hoping last Saturday was our nadir…
Still, now that we live in Barak Obama's brave new world, things seem to be on the up already. Having contrived to leave my phone on the tube on the way into town on Wednesday, I figured that I'd lost it and that was that. However, a very kind hearted soul handed it into Arsenal tube station and I was able to pick it up after he game - praise the humanity of it all. I wouldn't be surprised if it was Obama himself who committed the good deed.
Did anyone see Charlie Brooker's excellent 'Dead Set' last week? I effin love zombies, films, comics, games, the lot. This show was great, some terrific gore (especially the ol' crushing of the skull with a fire extinguisher scene) and a startlingly simple story. One slight problem with it though - running zombies. Zombies don't run, they are the walking dead, and should move as such. Don't start banging on about the monsters in 28 Days either, they weren't zombies, they were rage-infected maniacs who liked to spit up blood on people without a thought for the mess it would create. On the same theme, I've finally come up with an idea for my zombie screenplay this week, expect to see it on your screens sometime in the next 20 years, if I get round to writing it (and find someone stupid enough to produce it).
Something silly to finish with, if you go to this website, you can find out your reggae name, all just good larks for a Friday, yours, Dr Ethiopia.
One for the East Side today, its time to start building up the return of the Steeple Morden Rec Boxing Day football match...
The history of the Boxing Day match stretches right back to the First World War; soldiers from Germany, Steeple Morden and Ashwell came together over no mans land (they had missed the Christmas Day match), and tried to have a game of headers and volleys without stepping on a landmine (this proved particularly hazardous when there was a "scramble" or "Jagt").
The good news is, the match is back, and it's happening this year on Saturday 27th December at midday. Funk Pie is proud to be the official sponsor of the event, all the build up, gossip and team news will appear here first. A countdown clock to kick off can be seen on the right-hand side of the page.
Funk Pie's first exclusive is regarding the teams. Following discussions with the Boxing Day Match Executive Committee (BDMEC), it has been decreed that the two team captains will be the brothers Hasler, Kristian and Nathan. Kristian will be taking charge of the Vintage Garage XI, whilst Nathan will skipper Mocha Juniors. As the names suggest, age will play some part in the team selection process.
There will be an exclusive (Chinese) trophy for the winner, as well as a special gong for the Man of the Match (to be voted for in the Waggon after the game).
News of the match has already created a buzz around the world, especially in Beijing, where Funk Pie reporter takes up the story:
Afternoon at the Rec' will be no picnic
By Tony N. Joe
The riches of the professional game may be a long way from SG8, but this December's grudge match between Mocha Juniors and Vintage Garage XI will be every bit as keenly contested as the premiership derbies between Arsenal and Tottenham, Newcastle and Sunderland, Man City and Manchester United.
"The hate runs deep…every Garage fixture pits kith against kith, kin against kin," says Vintage midfielder Matthew Gray. "Blood certainly isn't thicker than water on Steeple Rec'," he adds, listing that each side boasts a Hasler, Gray and Fitzsimmons brother, "not to mention, rivalries that go back to the playground and the pub. That McKee still owes me a pint"
With bragging rights for a year up for grabs, every player is going to be up for it. I'm going to leave blood in the mud – some of it might even be mine," quips the village elders' captain and combative midfielder, Kristian Hasler, older brother to the younger side's captain, Nathan, who is due to return on loan from Ajax.
Mocha forward and current holder of the garage golden boot, Martin Downes refuses to be intimidated by the tough talking of the Vintage captain: "We're just going to play our normal long ball game and bypass the midfield. I'm confident that my goal hanging will see me reap another bumper harvest. Our style may not be pretty, but it sure can be effective."
The Mocha Junior squad will be bolstered by the return of team captain Nathan Hasler as well as Kev and Damien Pennell – the other two thirds of the 'three amigos' partnership that once wowed crowds in Argentina. But the whippersnappers will be without influential playmaker Dan Brown, convalescing with family in Devon after an operation on a long term groin injury. "He's got quick feet, but he always thinks with that part of his anatomy, so it's important for him that he gets that put right first," says his team-mate, defender Russell Foulger.
The Vintage XI will benefit from the return of Jamie Fewster and Richard Holme - sidelined after positive drugs tests earlier in the year - as well as defender Dominic Fitzsimmons, who comes back from a red-card littered spell plying his lazy midfield play in China. There are doubts over the match fitness of several key members of the Vintage squad and a scheduling foul up could see bookish left winger, Darren Chetty ruled out of contention.
Despite the incendiary atmosphere on the field, police are playing down any talk of possible crowd trouble. "Thankfully the disgusting scenes that were commonplace at Magpies games are now a thing of the past. After the referee was forced to stop play to quell crowd trouble on that now infamous Halloween fixture, we arrested the ringleaders and nipped the problem in the bud," PC Chapman of North Herts Constabulary told the Royston Crow last week. "Not to mention most of the trouble-makers will be on the pitch," he adds.
This year's fixture will be refereed by veteran official Paul Hasler, father to the two captains and the man credited with being the godfather of the now famed Garage football academy. "I'll show no bias – I think they are all arseholes," says the man in black. And as any follower of Garage football will tell you, he's always right.
Some grey clouds are hanging over Funk Pie towers this week following two events that have left me seething a little bit. Firstly, there was last night's debacle at Th'Emirates, secondly, the whole ridiculous Brand n' Ross story that has somehow been manipulated (by the Daily Wail) to the top of the headline pile this week.
I'm gonna cover the latter first. This has gone beyond being beyond a joke now, the Daily Wail has finally got its way. I'm really p*ssed off about the whole episode, not least because I've been a regular listener to Brand's show since he started up on BBC6 a few 
years ago. I realise he's not everyone's cup of tea and I'm not going to eulogise him here as I don't think that's the issue. The facts are that the BBC received just 2 complaints during the show. Two. Then, a week later, the Wail on Sunday filled their front page with the story, called up Matthew Hopkins and the witch hunt commenced. During the week, the headline read "Sack Them"; absolutely bonkers, we let politicians get away with dodgy chats with Russian oligarchs, allow petrol companies to hike up prices whilst oil prices fall and their profits soar, unemployment is increasing, money is scarce, but this, in the opinion of that ridiculous newspaper/agitprop, is the main issue bothering the country this week. Media diversion from a staunchly Tory paper? Ooh, would they?
In a way you could see the whole incident coming, the week before the phone call to Sachs was made, Brand had mentioned/bragged on his show that he'd had all the Satanic Sluts (including Sach's grand-daughter) round his house for a good ol' hot tub party.Furthermore, he's had a few run ins with said paper over stuff written about him in the past.
The broadcast has just evolved into a great big stick to beat brand n'Ross with. Who are these people who are complaining? Have they heard the show before? There's been far worse and arguably more offensive material on there. No doubt the kind of folk who made these complaints would just love to see good clean entertainment from a fluffy world gone by with no swearing, rude gags or any suggestion of controversial subject matter. I'm sure plenty of folk would be offended by late night radio if they chose to listen to it. All this was broadcast post-watershed and is being treated as if it went out during kiddies hour or something, Ridiculous. Sachs has had his apology and his grand-daughter has a few quid in her pocket. Comments from Joe Public on the super-dramatic Sky News site are along the lines of "Ooh, i don't like Ross or Brand - good riddance", "Poor man (Sachs), they should be locked up", "Give me back my licence fee, I say!" , "Has anyone seen my dentures?". We'll probably now be forced to watch re-runs of the Rivers of Blood speech or something with Angela Rippon (not that I'm connected the two).
Ok, over to North London and trying the figure out what the eff happened last night. The whole evening had an aire of inevitability about it; my good friend Rich had texted me at the weekend to say "Can't believe the twitcher has gone to the lane. They'll f*cking beat us on Wednesday. B*stards". Andy Gray had "a feeling", Spudz tails were high and once again, Arsenal proved that their underbelly is softer than Walter the Softie's soft rug collection.
Bentley's goal could've been saved by Almunia, the others we conceded all came about as Arsenal's defence decided to back track and invite the scum shoot from distance, leaving us ruing throwing away 2 points from such a lofty position of superiority, it beggars belief how we didn't win. Grrrrrrrrrr, can't write anymore on this, onto Stoke this Saturday, it's a good job we're so good at coping with high balls over the top, ain't it?
Been having a skype discussion with Auckland boob, Neil, about which celebs you'd take on an alldayer on the Kings Road (one pub only); this was one of Neil's ideas and will possibly the subject of a future podcast (which we will get around to doing eventually). Anyhoo, I despise the whole celeb worship thing, especially the ridiculous amount of drivel that's on the magazine shelves, you know - Chat, Quick, Vadge, Celebrity Armpit Watch, etc. why don't shops put copies of The Economist by the counter? "'Cos it's sh*t" - UK Public. We're becoming (or have become) a nation of dimwits whilst this rubbish is being read.
So, back to my celeb choices. Neil gave me a limit of 5, so here they are: Howard Marks, Samuel L Jackson, Johnny Depp, Mark Thomas and Lenny Henry. What do you think? Neil was apoplectic over my choice of Lenny for some reason; I think he'd be great, you could give him a big cuddle later on, and after a few drinks he'd be sure to dig out some classics, a huge 3 minute "ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk" perhaps, or a brilliant David Bellamy or Trevor McDonald impression. It's a tricky choice picking a quintet of celeb pals, but should the highly unlikely scenario ever arise, I'd want to be sitting next to the (other) comedian from glorious Dudley.
Great win in a crazy match for Arsenal last night. Am doubly pleased as my good buddy Nathan was one of the 800 gooners in attendance, bless 'im. He asked his girlfriend (and baby) if they fancied going for a quick midweek jaunt to Istanbul, nice that the trip coincided with the game, eh Nath? Yet another European adventure; I will get round to publishing Kristian's Euro football tales soon (honest).
If any of you visited bath over the 'summer', you'd have seen loads of painted pigs around the city for a highly popular art project. They were all taken away at the end of September and displayed
for the public one last time in front of the Royal Crescent last Sunday. Good idea, but the organisers completely @rsed things up by putting the pigs in a circular pen no bigger than a regulation centre circle, whilst hundreds of folk tried to catch a peek (for a couple of seconds, before a herd of 20 stone tourists barged you out of the way). There were rumblings of revolution and the Bath Chronicle's website comments section was filled with chagrin and disgust from visitors to the display, some claiming that their days had been ruined, others started by the length of the hot dogs on sale (very suspicious)...
Can spurs go down? This is a question that perhaps is gaining veracity as the months go by. In statistical terms, only one club in Premier League history has avoided relegation after taking two or fewer points from their first eight matches: Southampton in the 1998-99 season. It would be effin' typical is the Spudz came good next week in the North London derby, wouldn't it? I've regularly been texting Tottnumb supporting mates about their plight, I just hope karma doesn't bite me in the ass and give them a victory in the derby. Anyhoo, here is the latest Tottenham gag, mirth fans:
A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, "Stoke City 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1," reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.
Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, "Oh, no, not again."
The shocked landlord says, "That's amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?"
"Because he's a Spurs supporter," the dog's owner replies.
The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him three months."
A bit footbally, this post, I won't bore you with how I spent all weekend on my knees in the bathroom sorting the floor out, or how on completing my work, got drunk in record time. Two subjects; Ashley Cole and a bit on the US election...
So Ashley Cole got booed during the England game, poor ol' Cashley, he's had such a hard time lately hasn't he? Listening to Alan effin' Green on 6-0-6 last Saturday really made my blood heat up slightly; he's so eager to preach how booing your own players is completely wrong and why England fans should always encourage the team, etc, etc. As a famous scouser once said, "My @rse!", Cole exemplifies everything that is wrong with the modern footballer and most 
supporters have probably been waiting to boo him for quite some time. I used to love him when he was at Arsenal (he was a product of the youth system, after all, these players are often more revered that new signings), the goal he scored against Dynamo Kiev at Highbury in the Champions League in November 2003 was my favourite from that (unbeaten)season, it was the last minute, we were going out of the competition, then up popped Ashley with a diving header across the keeper (the next match was Inter away and that famous 5-1 victory). I was watching the match with Rich in the Saracens Head and leapt forward 5 feet going absolutely mental, I remember just hugging and jumping a complete stranger shouting into his ear "it's brilliant! it's absolutely f&*king brilliant!", before biting my nails for the last couple of minutes.
A year and a bit after this, on January 27th 2005, Cole was spotted in a London hotel sharing tea and cake with his agent Jonathan Barnett, Jose Mourinho, Pini Zahavi and that slimy cretin, Kenyon. A meeting that had taken place as a result of (Cole claimed) Arsenal reneging on a (verbal) promise of a £60k a week contract; I'm sure you're all aware of poor Ashley nearly swerving off the road when his agent told him that Arsenal were only offering £55k a week (over £2.6m a year). Sorry Ashley, but that's just soooo the wrong way to go about things. I'd play for Arsenal for nowt, 2 onions a week, a year's subscription to Woman's Own, anything. I'd even wrestle Bella Emburg in offal for a chance to turn out for my team. However, I digress, Cole obviously saw the super truck full of Russian cash and wanted a piece of it, whatever it took. Cole had come close to being sold by Arsenal to Crystal Palace a few years before after a
successful loan spell there, but Sylvinho's well-documented passport problems put an end to that, allowing Cole to flourish in Arsenal's first team. What's unbelievable is that he was allowed to play for Arsenal again after this meeting, for another season!!
So, returning to the beginning of my rant, if anyone else had made the error against the Kazakhs (with the possible exception of Frank Lampard), it's likely that there would have been no booing, lots of initial swearing perhaps, but the error would probably have merely been an afterthought, it was a pretty meaningless goal in the end. Maybe fans had been waiting for an opportunity to boo Cole, perhaps they sympathise with his wife, or even Mike Riley, or maybe it's because Cole should not be chipping a pass across his defenders blindly at International level (he's very fortunate that there is such a lack of competition for his position). Paying punters are continually told to sit down and shut up by increasingly fascist stewards, they don't need to be told off by commentators who pay nothing to get into the game in the first place. When folk pay good money to go to a match they have every right to criticize, as well as eulogise, and there isn't a player representing England that arguably deserves it more that Cashley. The hyperbolic reaction of the media reaffirms this, as Cole's error has taken up nearly as many column inches as the England goals.
Meanwhile, there are some crazy soundbites coming out of America as the election nears. The Republicans are trying to dig up and scatter Senator Obama's links to the 60s radical William Ayers; Lori Raynor, a biochemist (!) said "I'm scared of Obama - from what I have read and his associations which are questionable, his so-called terrorist associations, and even his church," "I just don't think he can run this country." She added: "Some of my friends have even told me they think he is the anti-Christ." Well, let me tell you Lori Raynor, I'm a bit blimmin' scared of you, love! The religious right sure are a scary bunch. The above quote could be compared with the medieval belief that men with dogs for heads wandered the forests at night, it's that ridiculous (boy, will I feel stupid if Obama really is the Devil) If Obama is the Antichrist, well John McCain is erm, Gripper Stepson and Sarah Palin is definitely Zuul from Ghostbusters...
Dreams, eh? Those funny little head movies that you can't control and vaguely remember. Anyhoo, I rarely recall my dreams, but last night's stuck in my bonce and I thought I'd share it with you as some of my (limited) readership were stars of last night's phrenological presentation
Dan Brown (my friend, not the author), Neil and I were in a town somewhere (probably meant to be Bath, although I think it was by the sea), just walking around, enjoying the day. I believe we were going to have lunch somewhere. Anyhoo, we were meandering around the streets (we were the only people about, very '28 Days Later') and came upon a group of thuggish looking skinheads standing on a street corner. As I recall, there were three of them, bomber jackets, bovver boots, the lot. Think Boo Perkins and his two brothers and you'd be close. Dan started talking to them for some reason (surely it can't have been to chat them up?) whilst Neil I walked ahead, suddenly Dan came bolting after us hollering “run”, as one of the aforementioned skinheads tried to catch up with him. I tried to sprint away but got a case of the ol’ porridge feet and couldn’t run for toffee (rather, mimicked running through toffee).
Eventually, I somehow got away ( I really don't know how, my running style was as effective as Stephen Hawking on gravel track) we all got split up and somehow found a safe haven. Our refuge was a random house with a nice big lounge (which resembled our Lorne Road student house (but without the Ginsters wrappers, Gareth's bad videos and dinner plates covered with old meat and B & H butts). As if by magic, Jake appeared, as did Neil and we went off for another (herby) walk through a different sunny town (which resembled Torquay) until we came across a big grass bank containing more chums, live music and jugglers. At this point, things become a bit hazy, all I can recall is that Nick Earl was there, lying on a picnic blanket, as was Nathan's sister, Abbe , Mark Linggood and Nicholas Cage (who is a Bath resident and seen by Mr J Stone last Sunday).
As for Mr Brown, who knows what fate befell him? If I was a betting man (which the next paragraph would seem to indicate), I'd say that the skinheads probably caught up with him and gave him a damn good thrashing. But the pacifist side of me hopes that he convinced those skinheads that violence wasn't the answer and they are had tea and scones together.
So there you go, nothing too exciting really, just something to write. Back on planet reality, poker on Saturday was pretty good, I came away with £30, which meant a paltry £10 profit, mustn't grumble I s'pose.
I probably should have had more, being the only sober player an' all. Won't be doing that again, jeez, it was like watching some folk melt in front of you, one minute Gaffer was playing cards, the next he was playing along to 'I Just Called to Say 'I Love You'' on the keyboard. I love you and you are a wonderful host, Gaffer, but I don't like David Essex, his presence on the stereo was slightly harrowing for me, and I can't understand your fascination with the man. Furthermore, you didn't manage to answer Dave and I's questions, them being, 'Does he come from Essex?' and 'Does he really live on a boat?'...
Poor result for The Arsenal on the weekend really, but events at the Lane continue to amuse...
Got a much needed weekend at home coming up, lots of DIY to d
o as always, but am also playing poker on Saturday round at Gaffer's house in Devizes, crazy name, crazy place. I've never manged to come home from poker with more than £20 in my pocket, there's £120 up for grabs tomorrow, so I'm hoping to beat my record and have enough cash for a celebratory slap up binge at Mrs Miggins' Pie Shop on Sunday.
Good week of Champions League football, nice to see Arsenal bounce back, although the defence still looked pretty dodgy early on in the match, especially from corners, which the press have identified as our new achilles heel. I'd expect to see ol' mekon head Silvestre make his debut pretty soon, maybe even against the makems tomorrow. Pity Drogba's injury wasn't more serious, he always seems to raise his game when we play Chelsea (which we do on November 30th), still, good to see Transylvania's top club prove that Chelsea lack bite, arf arf.
My friend Dom gets married on Saturday in Daytona Beach, Florida. A few Steeple folk have made the pilgrimage out to Miami, no doubt Mr Brown has purchased a spangly vest, some 1980's shorts and a pair of roller skates for the occasion. Not that he's going or anything, think he just likes the look (I jest). Best of luck mate, hope you and the missus have a cracking day and good luck with the Crocodile huntin'.
Did anyone read Joe Kinnear's press conference from yesterday? it's hilarious, first line of it goes something like this:
JK: "Who's Mr X? (Daily Mirror's north East Correspondent)
Journo:"Me"
JK "You're a c*nt"
It went on like that, you can read a virtually complete transcript on the Guardian's website here. It's well worth it, good on you Joe, the press need ranting at occasionally. It's been a few years since his last pre-game press conference so I can understand the build up of tension inside him. Poor old fella, he was apparently 18th choice for the 'interim manager' position and got a load of grief from day one. Kinnear also lives next door to Arsene Wenger, fact fans.
There's
an exciting new show by JJ Abrahams (writer of Lost)starting on Sunday on Sky 1 called Fringe about a plane that lands on autopilot with all the passengers and crew already dead. Also, next weekend there is an event involving Matt Willmott and Rich Ashby being lost and unconscious in a camper van, this drama will be called Ginge...
Enjoy your weekends
Attended naughty driving school yesterday and was surprised by how bl**dy useful and informative it was. Most people there had the same cheesed off attitude 
as I held on arrival ("Tsk, what an inconvenience, i was only doing 93 in a 20 zone"), perhaps because being sent to Keynsham for the afternoon felt like punishment enough. Some folk had travelled down from London, which also seemed a bit harsh. There was also a very annoying Bristolian in attendance, who had the most local accent you'd never wish to hear,(seriously it was terrible, like a pirate's wench or something). Anyhoo, the afternoon showed me that I had forgotten nearly all of the highway code. i think the course should be compulsory for all drivers every ten years or something, 'cos as Rocky said, "If you can change and I can change, etc. Adriannnn!!"
Spent a couple of nights down Steeple Morden's finest (and only) pub, the Waggon on Friday and Saturday evening. Good to catch up with everyone, and glad to hear the beard get the stamp of approval from most folk. Mr Linngoo managed to grab tickets for the Arsenal - Fenerbahce game on November 5th for a few of us so that's something to look forward to. With Arsenal's membership scheme you're often left sitting on your tod, but thankfully we can all cuddle together on bonfire Night for a change.
Some very drunken people were in the pub for karaoke on Saturday, really bad, wobbling then 
singing, one guy (who I believe was a Tottenham fan) seemed to have completely lost control of his 'wind duct' and was depositing smelly flappy woof woofs all over the place, yuk. Headed back to the Hasler compound about midnight for some chat, coffee and a brilliant 'dub dance' from Kristian. Walked back past the pub at 3am and it was still open, ahh village life...
As I mention in the above paragraphs, it was a blinding weekend back east, with the obvious exception of the Arsenal match. Unbelievable (Jeff), it was a sunny day, had a lovely couple of pints with Rich and Dave before hand. what could possibly go wrong? One of football's worse enemies - complacency. I wonder if back in the day, if Morden Magpies under 15's had the same level of belief in ourselves (and the defensive abilities of Philip Winston and Daniel Horne) we would we have lost 43-0 to Standalone? That said, we can always cling to that magical 3-2 victory over St Thomas' Colts at the Rec, they were chasing the Royston Crow League Championship, whilst The Magpies were sitting near the bottom. I grabbed an early goal, then dynamic midfielder Ben Chapman added a brace to give us a shock, but wonderful victory. As Ben wheeled away in celebration after heading in his second, Daniel Brown was heard to utter "I want to sh*g you!". Ben left the club soon afterwards...
Return of an irregular feature now, as Dudley ex-pat Brian Stevens returns with one of his lovely gags:
Hello again and welcome back. Had a blinding birthday this week, Brian did an excellent write up on our night out on Saturday here. Thanks for filling in some of the gaps, Bri. It's a very funny read, even if you have no interest in what we did, my birthday or any of my friends.
There's a massive new shopping mall thing opening in the centre of Brizzle today, 'Cabot Circus' even has a Harvey Nichols. I can just imagine all the Vicky Pollard lookalikes (of which there are thousands, honestly, you wouldn't believe it) barging their way in, muffin tops a' showin', pushing their 9-berth prams asking where the Waggon Wheels are...As mentioned earlier, am heading Eastside again this weekend, primarily to see Arsenal for the first time this season against Hull. What a result on Tuesday night, Vela looked red hot and it can't be long until Wilshere is seen more in the first team. Those two shone in pre-season and seem to have just picked up where they left off. Hate Sheffield Utd btw, especially that thug Chris Morgan (who punched RvP a couple of years ago but got away with it), my friend Nathan also got punched a few years ago up there, long may they rot in the lower divisions.
Newcastle, eh? The fans want rid of the cockney mafia, now Terry Venables has been linked, he's the effin' Godfather! Also, it seems they've fallen victim to the old 'Nigerian Prince' email scam, wonder if they'll have to supply their bank account details in order for the funds to be transferred? You really couldn't make it up.
Birthday week starts tomorrow with a Sopranos style bash in Bath's finest Italian eatery, Martini Ristorante. First night out in Bath for frickin' ages,
be nice to see everyone amd meet Pod the Rod's new ladyfriend, looking forward to giving him a big cuddle after the tragedy of his Amsterdam nightmare. I hope Marcus has recovered from his pensioner-style fall last week; his jaw was a bit stiff last Sunday, it nearly fell off whilst we were watching a particular ball-bouncingly funny scene from Family Guy last week (the episode where Peter,Stewie, Chris and Brian drink some **** and see who can stay the longest without throwing up), poor fella.
Champions League footie returned this week; happy with a point in Kiev, even though Arsenal should have wrapped things up before half time. Van Persie and Adebayor were both guilty of missing decent chances; both RVP's fell on his right foot unfortunately (still not really an excuse), whilst Ade seemed to be wearing his jester's booties in front of goal. Our away game triple header concludes tomorrow at Bolton, oh joy. I really hope Bolton go down this year, this fan still hasn't forgiven them for assaulting half our team in 2003.
Refereeing decisions have bee
n in the spotlight this week. I have no idea why John 'untouchable' Terry's red card was rescinded following an appeal; he rugby tackled an opposing player, which is serious foul play and should result in a red card. But no, after Mark Halsey had the cahones to send him off, his punishment is to be relegated to officiate in League Two, whilst Terry will appear before the Sky cameras this Sunday against Man Utd. Additionally, Danny Guthrie's basic assault on Craig Fagan (which resulted in Fagan breaking his leg), will only carry a 3 match ban, staggering.
Some cracking music coming out at the mo, got Metallica's new album this week, and it rocks, loads better than their last few. They're a band I've always loved but never seen live, even though I was mad into them back in my thrash metal days; I remember heading straight to Our Price in Letchworth with Nathan to buy '...And Justice For All' the day it came out back in 1989 (?), had a listen to it the other day, but the music hadn't aged particularly well.
New Kings of Leon is out Monday too, they were great on Jools Holland this week (as was the lovely Carla Bruni), new albums from Roots Manuva, The Aliens and dear ol' Oasis are out or on the horizon now, yummy ear food for your, er, hungry ears.
Reading 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' at the moment, bl**dy hilarious, favourite piece of dialogue so far:
"Hell, I forgot about all this beer, you want one?"
He shook his head.
"How about some ether?" I said.
"What?"
Fab weekend of football, Arsenal caning Blackburn, Man U losing and Tottenham bottom of the pile, it doesn't get much better. To top it off, I've shot to the top of the Schnorbitz Fantasy League (my Spurs supporting friend D Brown is bottom of that). Poor David Bentley, i really feel sorry for him. Actually, I don't, I am bathing in a pool of schadenfreude here, brilliant, I implore all Spudz fans to just keep looking at the table, it won't bite, lovely isn't it? Hmm?
Champions League returns this week too, we've got a tough game away to Kiev. I remember seeing them play at Wembley against Arsenal when Shevchenko and Rebrov terrorised Arsenal's defence ( most notably Martin Keown), they were such a good counter attacking side they really took your breath away. Still, they aren't the same team anymore, but any trip out east is always tough, as you'll soon learn when i get around to publishing Kristian's Euro diaries, think he missed a Kiev-Arsenal game once due to being kept in a police cell off his box on vodka...
See the world's heading into financial meltdown, something to do with Jens Lehmann? Anyoo, just proves that you can't build a world on capitalist cash as the mountain will surely topple down. Most people's ideology would be for all men to be equal, but when one man sits on top of a great pile of cash, he'll have further to fall, so there. Thing is, every other bugger is dragged along, hardly fair, is it?
This may be the last post I put on here since that CERN machine is getting switched on today and there is apparently a possibility (lauded by the Daily Mail) that a black hole will be created and everything will be sucked up into it like the last bit of a chocolate milkshake into La's gullet. I remember reading about it in that trashy Dan Brown novel 'Angels and Demons' , although I thing it's being used then to disprove the existence of God, or something. The most ridiculous part of that book, however, is how one of the protagonists survives falling out of a helicopter from 1000 feet and still gets to kill the pope ( I may have stretched the plot slightly there).
Listened to 'Road to Freedom' by Young Disciples on the way this morning, what a fine album. Although, in order to singalong to Carleen Anderson you'd need the ol' janglers lightly crushed 'txixt a pair of house bricks...
Excellent day in London last Friday for the wedding anniversary, the Emirates tour was fab, bargain at £12. Went up in the directors box, in the changing rooms, down the tunnel and onto the pitch (well not exactly the pitch as that was guarded by Gamorrean Guards). Sat in Arsene's seat in the dugout and managed to resist the temptation to lick it; there were loads of nippers on the trip, think one of them was celebrating his 9th birthday. Still, I would quite happily have thrown them all into the stands head first in order to sit in that bloody seat.
We also visited the Arsenal Museum which was good but I think the layout could do with some improvement. Anyhoo, they was a very prophetic quote written on one pillar, (I am paraphrasing slightly here), it was taken from an advert for the vacant Arsenal manager's position in 1925 (a position taken up by Herbert Chapman) and read something like "Any manager whose sole ability to deliver success relies on the payment of exorbitant transfer fees need not apply", hmm...
London Eye was pretty cool, the sun even came out for about 20 minutes, we were sharing our pod with a northern family though. Finished the day off in Punch and Judy's in Covent Garden, a fine pub that serves Leffe on draft (this beer can cause me to lose the ability to speak). We managed to haul ourselves down the Waggon later on in the evening to hook up with Kris and Ange and hear about Kristian's midweek trips to watch Stevenage away at Kettering in the rain, now that's committment.
Thank F the Premiership is back this weeknd as this International double header has been incredibly dull; I'm not the greatest England fan in the world but as the games have been on sultana, i haven't managed to see them anyway. A lot of folk in the country are rightly feeling apathetic towards our national team and things won't improve if the majority of the TV watching nation can't even see the blimmin' games...
Arrived in Steeple Morden after quite a long ol' journey and already have found out some shocking news. I may be the only person who didn't know about this, but it has really hit me square in the crackers - Billy Ocean is English. I've spent my life thinking that he was American, what a waste...
Off to the Emirates and the London Eye in the rain tomorrow, then meeting Kris and Ange (with her brand new superhero eyes) down the Waggon; if you're around do pop in for a jar.
So one of the most frantic days in football is over, Sky Sports News much wish there were more deadline days as the presenters were ridiculously excited (maybe Georgie Thompson was doing a special dance for them off camera?). A frustrating day for Gooners everywhere, 
I stayed up till midnight in the vain hope that Arsene would do the right thing and grab Alonso, but it was not to be. The club must've been aware that fans wouldn't be too happy so what did they do? Put an article on the Arsenal website about how much Eboue's passing had improved this season. WTF?? Who made that decision?? Be interesting to see what Arsene has to say, yes we looked good against Newcastle, but we've got some tough games coming up (the next 3 are away to Blackburn, Dynamo Kiev and Bolton) and if (as usual) we get some injuries to key midfielders during the International break, we will be screwed and Wenger will have to take the blame, especially after he said he would sign a defensive midfielder weeks ago.
Man City and Newcastle have been dominating the news for the past couple of days and rightly so. The soap opera that is Newcastle Utd is plunging the depths once more, with yet another Keggy related saga. All sorts of confusing messages are coming out of the club, whilst hundreds of torch and pitch fork wielding geordies baying for Mike Ashley's ample hide lurk outside the ground. It's a shame as they started the season pretty well and seem to have a better team this year (Jonas Gutierrez looks mint). This farce is going to end one way...badly.
As for Man City, they seem to be the new Chelsea. Except they're not, because everyone hates Chelsea (esp Peter Kenyon) and Man City are eminently likeable. "40 condoms, please, shopkeep" Robinho is an unbelievable signing, but he is also a bit of a live wire, have a read of Sid Lowe's article from today's Guardian for more info. The new owners seem to be intent on playing Premiership Championship Manager, much like Abramovich did when he allegedly put in bids of £40m for Vieira and £50m for Henry in 2003 soon after buying Chelsea. This story will run and run over the next week, probably meaning England's vital qualifiers will be overlooked.
Was speaking to Neil this morning about the wonderful world of 
Championship Manager (now Football manager), a legend of a game that I used to be furiously addicted to (El Wristo guitarist Dave Boardman once spent 26 hours straight playing it), it was easy to confuse reality with CM sometimes, the game even was the basis for several divorce cases earlier this century, with plaintiffs citing it as a cause of neglect, brilliant.
A colleague at work, Cycling eco-warrior David has set up a YouTube channel devoted to video he's taken of him nearly being run over every day on the ride into work, you can view some of his close calls here.
Got Friday off this week as it's Lou and mine's 5 year wedding anniversary, we're off to London for the day to do a tour of the Emirates (which I am stupidly excited about), bum around Camden and hop on the London Eye, will take some pics for Facebook.
Here is a highlights video of last week's Holland vs. England game, enjoy...
Please accept my contrafibularities if this post is even more of a diary than my usual ones. Neil has written a decent journal of the last week on his site so I'll try not to repeat what he said too much.
It all started with the arrival of La in Corsham last Tuesday; it had been ove
r two years since I'd seen him but after a Sopranos style hug, it was like he'd been away for 2 minutes. Nothing had changed with him, I got to hear his little political views (something I really miss when he's not here, as he has something to say about everything, although it is usually general curiosity about his bits and other people's) - most of which i couldn't print on here - well, a 'safe' one was "Jesus is Santa Claus for adults, like", which I quite liked, seems that Neil has the kind of theological acumen that Richard Dawkins would be proud of.Had a brilliant day in Bath with La and Marcus on the Wednesday, just wandered around really, looked at the pigs (one was later abused by a certain scouser, I'm sure you don't need a picture), waited for Neil to have a tattoo then before I knew it, Friday had arrived and it was time for Amsterdam.
The football couldn't have gone better, especially for me, everything I touched went in and I ended up bagging 5 goals in a 6-3 win (R Wilson got the other which was followed
by a typically subdued celebration). The game had started badly with Nick 'Frank Sinclair' Earl heading past a hapless La in the BCHE goal. However, we soon took control with the midfield and front 4 overpowering the Dutch with their pace and incision, whilst the defence stood firm, with Davis, Haines, Woods and Earl proving too strong for the Dutch. We went to the Dutch lads' very pleasant clubhouse after our victory and bathed in some rare sunshhiiinnne for a couple of hours before heading to a great sports bar for booze, food and a terrible Arsenal performance. We didn't end up back out in 'Dam till 11, had a nice walk with La around the red light although we had probably the worst meal in history in a kebab shop, it was meat, pitta and a string of lettuce, the meat looked like cat food with the jelly removed, we both ended up cleaning our plates.
Sunday was all about saying goodbye, after it seemed we had only just said "alright". So good to see everyone again, we spend the majority of time taking the mick out of each other, but the love shines through and it's such a pity we can't get together more often (my thoughts go out to Bri and Paul, who suffered ridiculous bad luck and missed the trip, you were sorely missed).
Would've loved to have seen more of Nathan, thankfully he came out on Friday night which was great. I love Amsterdam and can't believe I haven't been before, the atmosphere was just electric and very friendly. Won't be too long before I take the family over for a weekend with Nath and gang (to make up for my non-appearance on Sunday!).
Had a real planes, trains and automobiles day (in that order, no amusing John Candy character around tho, just Rich - whom I also love, especially when were funking out in our room) and was all over the place by the time I arrived back at home, still not back to 100%...
Hope you're all enjoying the Fantasy League this year, 23 is a pretty good number, check your progress here.
In other news, my very good friend Daniel Bruce Brown had an article printed in The Independent this week, its all about controlling your cash at Uni, (bit late for that!) but if you want to have a read follow this link.
More to come over the next week, got Kristian's European Away trips to put on here, plus my thoughts on a superb film I saw called 'Taking Liberties', look it up, buy/download it, show it to your friends and get them to show it to their friends. Just found out you can watch it here!
Finally, and just for Jake (he of the hilarious hair jokes), here is a brilliant video of the Death Star over San Francisco, enjoy...
Saw a bit of crime last Wednesday down in the grim shopping area of Broadmead, Brizzle. For those of you who aren't familiar with Broadmead, its filled with a ton of regular shops, thousands of single mothers, builders, Vicky Pollard lookalikes (enough to fill the Isle of Wight), as well as normal folk like you or I. Anyhoo, there's loads of building work going on so the walking areas are quite narrow; a fella came barging past me, pushed one of the aforementioned VP lookalikes in the face (she wasn't hurt but had a 6"5 skinhead boyfriend- the kind that looked like he liked fights; he managed to get a sneaky kick in as the crim was being led away) before being rugby tackled by a security guard resmbling Ted Bovis. Not sure what he'd done, but his track marks stuck out like, well, bright red spots...
Got tickets for Aresenal v Hull on Sept 27th, woo hoo. Not the most glamorous of games to start with but I'll take anything.
You've still got a chance to join the Schnorbitz Fantasy League, follow this link and the instructions in the post below, over 20 teams so far...
I am eagerly awaiting an article for the site from reformed hooligan, Kristian Hasler. Back in September 1993, about a week before I left sleepy Steeple Morden for Bath, Kristian, Nath and myself headed up the motorway to grim ol' Huddersfield for a midweek League Cup match (proper away trip). Anyhoo, Kristian worte a piece on our adventure and ended up coming second in a competition ran by old footie magazine 90 Minutes, for which he won a Coca Cola Cup t-shirt.
Injury update ahoy. After speaking to BCHE Old Boys striker Rich Ashby yesterday, Funk Pie can give you an update on his injury status. Ashby's wrist (the left one apparently, further to the last report) is still a tad limp; he commented "I'll bring my kit, but don't know if I can play". When asked what he use his wrist for in a match he replied "I wanna hit some f***ing Dutchies, don't I?". Cornwall-based pair Brian Stevens and Paul Bray are two other players who have been talking to the media this week, both were concerned that the game would be played on astroturf as this wouldn't suit their natural game. Following assurances that our game is more suited to a fast surface, the pair acquiesced and carried on with their game of pool. However, breaking news this morning from the Dutch camp that the game will in fact be played on grass is bound to upset the rhythm of some of the squad who may have been gearing their training to towards astroturf rather than grass, come 3.30ish on Saturday, we'll have the answer.
Neil has landed safely and is currently beaving around the country before arriving in Corsham tomorrow for a great booze up followed by a trip down memory lane in Bath on Wednesday, expect cuddles, giggles, excess wind and pictures.
Read on Friday that Tarantino's new film is going to be some kind of crazy Nazi affair. Seems that Brad Pitt will lead a team of American Jewish soldiers into Germany with the sole purpose of "killin' Nazis"; it's reported that it'll be super violent with several scalpings and even some 'nad- shooting. You can read more here.
Sad news this morning about the death of Isaac Hayes. Obviously best remembered for Shaft (always worth watching, the soundtrack has plenty of quality on it in addition to the title track), if
you haven't got any of his stuff, I'd heartily recommend grabbing a copy of Hot Buttered Soul. It's only got 4 tracks, but has the most incredible version of 'Walk on By' on it, which contains some of the best string work ever put down on vinyl. When I eventually finish my screenplay and get someone to direct the film, expect to hear it at the end. In true Mickey Deverell style, Mr Hayes fathered 12 children during 4 marriages. Gawd bless yer Isaac, you were one cool mutha.
Nice day yesterday, managed to go swimming, do some tap shopping for the imminent bathroom decoration and go to meet lovely baby Millie for the first time. Then I drank too much wine with Marcus, which I am regretting now.
How badly to Arsenal need a new midfielder? Who will it be? Inler, Barry, Alonso, Toure? Maybe none of them , only Arsene knows. Bit surprised to hear him say he's too busy to buy anyone at the moment, why hasn't a new MD been hired yet to do all this work for him? Effing season starts Wednesday night!!
Full week at work this week, two and half days to do next week tho due to the arrival of La and the trip to Dam...
In your face, the 
man
Got to mention Orfest, which was held in Orwell Clunch Pit the other weekend. Cracking day so hats off to you Jamie, hope to come again next year. I took some pictures but have memory card issues so won't be able to post them for a week or so I'm afraid. Still, saw some good bands, the Rumbolds' Latino combo were ace, as were the heavily-plugged Blanco. Really great to catch up with everyone, good to see Kristian hadn't lost his ability to dance when others would not dare., gawd bless you , sir.
Some of you may have received a Fantasy Footie mail, we had a quite few teams in the Schnorbitz League last year, want to push it to over 20 if possible, like in the good old days (when I used to win, unlike the last few years). Anyhoo, please go here if you want to enter a team: http://fantasy.premierleague.
A tw*t, yesterday
Once you have logged in and entered your team, click on the 'Leagues' link you can find on the right of the page. Now enter the code 65879-121666 to join the private league.
Finally, a big Happy Birthday to Kristian H and Daniel Bruce Brown, both or whom had a birthday somewhere around the mid-30s this week.