Pantomime Dame faces sticky criticism

By Jamie's northern cousin (the cheeky one)



Mocha Juniors striker Damian Pennell was left feeling sour this week after an altercation with two fans left him coated in YOGHURT.

The Mocha man – known as the Pantomime Dame for his on-pitch theatrics in previous Christmas encounters – alleges that two men confronted him in a Royston supermarket over news he would be missing his club’s crunch match with bitter rivals, Vintage Garage, choosing instead to holiday in France.

“I was in the Yuppie Foods section when the two men started calling me names and one hit me in the face with a tub of organic yoghurt – calling me a ‘bottler’,” alleged Pennell from his Royston home.

According to Damian, his dairy ordeal has confirmed his decision to miss the crunch cup clash and made him question his future in the game.

“Provence is simply marvellous at this time of year and some people have got realise that there are some things more important than football…Puccini, birdsong on a summer’s evening, the smell of freshly baked bread, the pungent, yet tangy taste of goat’s cheese…all these have the power to seduce the senses in ways that football doesn’t,” said the poetic goal poacher, whose views have long angered many in the game.

“The two brutes who attacked me have no place in football and I urge police to throw the book at them with the same ferocity that they projected dairy produce at me,” slammed the angry Pennel.

“We have recovered CCTV footage of an incident at Tesco on Tuesday and are now looking for two men in Mocha Juniors replica shirts. When we find them we’ll give them a good slap on the back,” said PC Chapman of Herts Constabulary. “I meant wrist,” the red faced copper chortled.