"How do lightsabres know to stop at one metre?"

I am getting a bit fed up of people using the phrase "Credit Crunch" as an excuse for everything. It seems that if you commit an act deemed as either a bit frugal, illegal, stupid, if you giggle and cite "heh, credit crunch", you'll be off the hook. So if you spot a crim sucking petrol out of your tank with a hosepipe, he'll clear his gob, offer you a cheeky smile and gasp: “credit crunch, mate" and off you both trot skipping into the sunset. See a man in a white transit drive blatantly into an open field and start cramming as many cows and sheep as he can manage in the back of his van, "credit crunch" he pleads as he shrugs his shoulders. Government gives billions of taxpayers money to the @rseholes who caused this problem in the first place "credit crunch" mumbles our Prime Minister...

Society could be on the brink of collapse pretty soon really, so it's worth a reading a great story in the guardian today about surviving the apocalypse (say it 3 times, La). If you woke up on your own (every other human wiped out), you'd only really have 2 days of electricity and running water in your house, so you'd have to come up with some heating and eating alternatives. I think I've watched enough Bear Grylls to be able to survive in the woods for a couple of weeks, but it'd probably get a bit too Blair Witch in there after a while. The article also mentions some fun stuff (for fun stuff, read 'stealing stuff') you could get up to, in my post apocalypse bogus adventure, I'd be straight off to the Emirates for a game of headers and volleys on my own, grab a trophy (probably the little gold special trophy we got for the unbeaten season - can't imagine hauling the old Football League Trophy on my back for eternity), before heading over to White Hart lane to plant an Arsenal shirt in the centre circle and maybe use various parts of their stadium as a latrine. That'd probably use up a lot of energy (and fluid), so I'd tootle on over to Harvey Niks, grab some fine champagne and snacks and bounce around on the Queen's bed for a few hours dancing to some old skool rave. Apparently, the nuclear reactors would all explode within a week, too, which means your options are pretty limited. I'm in the right place, as Corsham has a series of nuclear bunkers, built for the use of the government at the height of the cold war, just in case those crazy yanks n' Commies got it awwwwn...

Great equaliser by RvP last night after another horrible Arsenal performance, thank jiggery he's fit as no-one else looked like producing any moments of magic. Arsenal are suffering from a severe lack of creativity at the moment, the quick passing and dynamism Fabregas, etc. give them has just dissipated. Adebayor looks frankly awful and Song doesn't possess the passing quality that Arsenal require. Pretty bad time to play Everton (like), they're a frickin' tough team and Cahill really is the man of the moment; he leaps so well for smaller lad, a bit like Podmore Stevens in his prime (but without the bellowing roar of "BRIAN'S!!!!!!!!" preceding the ball hitting his bonce, one would hope)

Neil has set up a new section of his site aside for Funk Pie, so we will be moving over there soon, just a question of finding the time to do it at the moment. I'll set up some kind of redirection though so our millions of readers aren't disappointed.