"I might belong to Jesus"

Bonkers mad transfer window doin's afoot this week. Good grief, over £100m for a player is more ridiculous than when Neil cheated at Championship Manager 2 and gave Everton £250m and a reputation of 10/10.

Kaka's proposed transfer is the story Sky Sports News have been craving since the transfer window creaked open on January 1st. Man City have not only blown the window open, they've blown it open with a Sherman Tank and taken the rest of the effin' house with it. City were happy to pay £11m for Wayne Bridge for crissake, he's not worth that!

It is hard to empathise that money really is no object to their owners; they're even planning on paying for Kaka up front, £107m up front!! What a payday for Milan (for Milan, read Berlusconi), his agent, his dad, and of course, Jesus, as we all know that's who Kaka really belongs to.

But Man City? A team that won't be in the Champions League next season and could still be relegated if the bottom half of the league remains as tight as it is now. A team with alleged dressing room unrest, all led by a group containing two BRAZILIAN malcontents. What happens if they sign him and Richard Dunne drunkenly clatters into him into his first training session and ruptures his cruciate? It's too bizarre to predict what's round the corner on this one. Maybe Abramovich will come out of hiding and try to hijack the deal; a bidding war between those two clubs would be a sight to behold.

The big question if Kaka does sign will be: what happens next? I'll wager it won't be an amusing clip of John Virgo f*rting on a black ball and trumping it all the way into the middle pocket to win a frame of snooker. The transfer system will have been shaken up more than a milkshake balanced in Bella Emburg's cleavage while she operates a pneumatic drill. Will we see all the top earners crying out "Not fair!" en masse and demanding higher wages? Will Man City start a DNA regeneration factory and bring back George Best, Alfredo Di Stefano and Jimmy Carter?

Meanwhile, gooners everywhere await the arrival of Arshavin from Zenit; Wenger seems confident, but someone could always gazump us to his signature. Arshavin - brilliant name, you can grab a few comedy connotations from it, e.g. "Ar!Shavin'" (imagine a smiling, stubbly pirate with a cut throat razor slicing across his chops) "Ars Havin'" (Pete), "Arsha! Vin!" ( a drunken French husband demanding more wine from his poor, bullied wife, Arsha), think that's all I can think of.

Final piece of footie chat, check this goal out from Gourcoff (another player linked with Arsenal).

Quiet weekend ahead, apart from the visit of sister. As monobrowed midlander Brian AP Stevens said very poignantly this week when asked if he would be going out this month: "January, ain't it? You just lock the effing door and wait for February.".