Justice for Mr Messy

Been reading pretty much the whole of the Mr Men library to my daughter over the past few months (not the new ones written by Roger Hargreaves's son, mind, they shouldn't be allowed, Mr Cool indeed...) and have been just a little bit outraged at some of the cruel (some might say barbaric) treatment metered out to the 'Mr's' by their human neighbours.

There is the familiar case of Mr Noisy's peers all speaking too quietly and ignoring his requests for sausages, bread, etc. just because he's hard of hearing; lest we not forget poor Mr Bump, who is enslaved by a local farmer to bash into his apple trees seven days a week (probably on minimum wage) in order to get his fruit out to the suppliers. Mr Bounce is 'mistaken' for a tennis ball (despite having legs, arms, a face and a little red hat), Mr Skinny's doctor thinks the best way to treat his obvious bulimia is to send him off to stay with Mr Greedy for a couple of weeks; Or there is Mr Nosey, who is frequently punched in the face for asking the simplest of questions.

However, perhaps the most horrifying tale of Mr Men terrorism is carried out on the tragic Mr Messy by those two utter b@stards, Mr Neat and Mr Tidy. Mr Messy is happily beaving about, making a mess, when suddenly two heavies in bowler hats with a menacing smile on their faces turn up, say "We're Neat and Tidy, and you're coming with us", shove Mr Messy into the back of their van, take him home, break into his house, throw him in the bath, probably rape him, comb his hair (whilst he is naked), then decide to re-arrange his house, garden and hairline. The story then ends with Hargreaves warning readers that they could be next for the ol' Neat and Tidy treatment if they are messy!

Rumours that Hargreaves was a member of the Gestapo have never been proven, but I do wonder sometimes whether he actually liked the funny little characters he has created. Was his thinking mess = bad, noise=bad, nosey=bad, bouncy=bad? Was Hargreaves trying to create his own utopia that was free of messy, noisy, nosey and bouncy folk? We may never know, as he has now passed on; but one things for sure, if Messrs Neat and Tidy show up in their bowler hats anywhere near me, I shall be running for the hills to stay with Mr Strong, the big red square tw@t...




"I feel so unclean"