Justice for Mr Messy

Been reading pretty much the whole of the Mr Men library to my daughter over the past few months (not the new ones written by Roger Hargreaves's son, mind, they shouldn't be allowed, Mr Cool indeed...) and have been just a little bit outraged at some of the cruel (some might say barbaric) treatment metered out to the 'Mr's' by their human neighbours.

There is the familiar case of Mr Noisy's peers all speaking too quietly and ignoring his requests for sausages, bread, etc. just because he's hard of hearing; lest we not forget poor Mr Bump, who is enslaved by a local farmer to bash into his apple trees seven days a week (probably on minimum wage) in order to get his fruit out to the suppliers. Mr Bounce is 'mistaken' for a tennis ball (despite having legs, arms, a face and a little red hat), Mr Skinny's doctor thinks the best way to treat his obvious bulimia is to send him off to stay with Mr Greedy for a couple of weeks; Or there is Mr Nosey, who is frequently punched in the face for asking the simplest of questions.

However, perhaps the most horrifying tale of Mr Men terrorism is carried out on the tragic Mr Messy by those two utter b@stards, Mr Neat and Mr Tidy. Mr Messy is happily beaving about, making a mess, when suddenly two heavies in bowler hats with a menacing smile on their faces turn up, say "We're Neat and Tidy, and you're coming with us", shove Mr Messy into the back of their van, take him home, break into his house, throw him in the bath, probably rape him, comb his hair (whilst he is naked), then decide to re-arrange his house, garden and hairline. The story then ends with Hargreaves warning readers that they could be next for the ol' Neat and Tidy treatment if they are messy!

Rumours that Hargreaves was a member of the Gestapo have never been proven, but I do wonder sometimes whether he actually liked the funny little characters he has created. Was his thinking mess = bad, noise=bad, nosey=bad, bouncy=bad? Was Hargreaves trying to create his own utopia that was free of messy, noisy, nosey and bouncy folk? We may never know, as he has now passed on; but one things for sure, if Messrs Neat and Tidy show up in their bowler hats anywhere near me, I shall be running for the hills to stay with Mr Strong, the big red square tw@t...




"I feel so unclean"

What does the 'S' stand for?

Local and European elections this week, had a plethora of pamphlets posted through the letterbox over the past month, ranging from the crazy (The Pensioners Party) to the outright laughable (BNP).

According to their agitprop, the BNP are claiming that Corsham is the 'Fascist Capital of the West' - crikey, shouldn't there be some kind of warning as you enter the town? This mishmash of a leaflet has some touching photos of smiling families, gleeful old folk who have the look only Daily Mail readers have after they've buried a couple of Polish builders in their garden, and workers wearing day-glo jackets (imaginative demographic spread there), as well as a picture of a glorious spitfire, primed for some bombing action (despite the irony obviously being lost on the designers that spitfire pilots actually fought against fascism).

I haven't had the chance to address one of the BNPs chimps face to face yet as they don't tend to canvass door to door (or probably struggle to read maps, numbers on houses, etc.), but I do hope they try to deliver a pamphlet in person as I would love to return it to them with a request to please shove it up Nick Griffin's a-hole sideways. They usually post a gorilla or two at the polling station (Last time it was a guy who was still working out how to tie his boot laces- i think he was in his 40s) so I may take a picture for this site on Thursday for a new feature 'Missing Link of The Week' or maybe 'C--t of the Week'?

The Daily Mail generation are probably the most active political influence at present, inevitable really, these things happen in cycles. In 20 years time, you'd hope that this generation's' quasi-liberalism would shape the country, but we shouldn't have to wait that long. The political process is in such a shambles, that there probably won't be a major ruling party for many years to come, good- those parties are not qualified to represent the good folk of this country. Even before the expenses story broke, it rs being blindingly obvious that these people have been skanking all of us since day one, no matter how Brown and Cameron flap around saying how things must be fixed (all this while petrol prices ARE STILL rising at a ridiculous rate), well nothing you could do would convince me that any of those eejits are capable of fixing anything, apart from an expenses form.

And finally, on a lighter note, here is a picture of a work truck round the corner from the house, is this guy's name real??