VINTAGE XI 5 – 4 MOCHA JUNIORS

K Hasler, somewhere in North Herts in a van


Vintage XI reclaimed their crown in the icy bowl of Steeple Morden Recreation Stadium in front of a crowd of at least twenty steely souls.

Early worries of absentia were assuaged when Mocha Juniors and Holland captain Nathan Hasler managed not only to get out of bed but find proper footwear.

All the big talk and childish banter before the game was rendered obsolete by a hard playing surface and an icy blast driving across the fields from the direction of pikey settlement Guilden Morden.

Yet the game commenced at a brisk pace, probably had to really so one could keep one’s testicles outside one’s body. With the current talk of a ‘Winter Break’ in the Premiership this reporter can only suggest the replacement of the Boxing Day match with one celebrating Rosh Hashanah or some made-up crap conveniently placed at the end of the Summer.

But the game, yes: The Juniors started with zeal and raced into a two-goal lead – west-country bumpkin Martin Downez flashing a cross-cum-shot beyond Paul Hasler in the Vintage goal, one of a few custodial errors the veteran would later atone for.

Nippy rocker Dan Fitzgerald doubled the Mocha lead with a low drive before Captain Marvel Kristian Hasler reduced the deficit with an uncharacteristic left-foot howitzer high into the Juniors’ net/air behind the goal. There followed an ill-advised ‘baby-cradle’ goal celebration that was ignored by most but surely left opposing ‘new Dads’ Linggood and Fitzgerald ruing telling their bairns of what might have been……

The Juniors were not impressed however and Downez completed a first-half brace with a Bergkamp-esque deft lob over the helpless goaltender to enter the break with a healthy advantage.

Fearing a Boxing Day massacre Vintage moved up a couple of gears at the onset of the second, sweeping passes from young whippersnapper Chris Challis to Mark Thorpedo coupled with ebullient displays from the strong midfield of Tractor Boy Matt Gray and Simon ‘Up the Robins’ Porter culminating in the score being quickly levelled, goals probably scored by Porter and Challis, though can’t remember for the life of me, some captain eh?

Tragedy then struck for Mocha as a calamitous fall on icy tar macadam by their doyen sticksman Graham Jarman, probably whilst he was retrieving the ball from a speculative yet wayward Thorpedo effort, meant Irish/German Herculean Russ Foulger had to take over between the posts. Rumours were abound Jarman was hit by a missile (most likely a pasty) thrown by local sideburn-heavy halfwit Brian Jeeves. Defensive totem though he is, Foulger was beaten at his near post as Vintage surged into a 4-3 lead.

Not to use their goalkeeping disaster as an excuse or anything, Mocha retaliated with a barrage of chances, Nathan Hasler going close with namesake Paul neatly turning a couple of opportunist efforts away to make up for previous mishaps. He could do nothing though when even youngerer Challis whippersnapperer Jordan levelled the score to the delight of the travelling posse from Peterborough who had delighted in the skills of Chris and Jordan, and probably watched Stu occasionally as well.

With eight goals shared the game entered its final stages, the Posh contingent as well as fans from as far afield as Potton, Baldock and Craft Way mesmerised by the spectacle on offer. Man-of-the match contender Ray Fitzgerald had marshalled the Vintage rearguard superbly, clearing a Jordan Challis effort off the line and along with defensive cohort Richard Holme justly committed to the cause. This in turn freed-up maverick Tiger Jamie Fewster to nearly steal the limelight with two long-range efforts, one bouncing off the crossbar.

But, with time ticking down and pub calling, Chris Challis took that bull by those horns and completed what may have been a hat-trick with a swerving drive that left crocked braveheart Jarman flat-footed and the Vintage holding the silver potterware.

A game for the purist, fittingly played in World Cup Year (almost) and in Corinthian spirit to boot. None more so than Mocha defender Alex Miles – the first to run to fallen hero Jarman’s aid AND then he had to go and work at Morrisons in Letchworth.

For the rest, ale-quaffing at the Waggon and Horses, p*ss-up at the Haslers with one eye on the Arsenal tw*tting the Villa, and a slap-up brunch at Miss Miggins Pie Shop. And a Happy New Year!



VINTAGE XI

Paul Hasler
Ray Fitzgerald
Richard Holme
Kristian Hasler
Matthew Gray
Simon Porter
Jamie Fewster
Chris Challis
Mark Thorpe
Jason Hill


MOCHA JUNIORS

Graham Jarman
Alex Miles
Russell Foulger
Dan Fitzgerald
Mark Linggood
Nathan Hasler
Stu Challis
Martin Downes
Richard Fitzsimmons
Jordan Challis